Sex Work: Their body, their choice
A few days ago, a post was brought to my attention. And I when I read it, I deemed it to be one of the most irresponsible opinion pieces ever written on Medium.
I read it again.
I still feel the same way.
Stan Goff’s post “Sex Work is a Neoliberal Term” is an exhibition in the ignorance of sex work, sex workers, and commercialized sex. While it was indeed an opinion piece, I would think that opinion pieces would be at least rooted in some degree of fair context. It wasn’t.
I left this relatively angry comment:
As someone that has been in a relationship with a sex worker and done work for sex workers, or should I say “sex worker” considering that you loathe that term, allow me to say that this is one of the most irresponsible opinion pieces I’ve read on Medium. And yes, there’s quite a bit of garbage on this platform.
Now, I clearly sit to the right of you (despite my name, I technically center-left, but I eschew “left” and “right” designations for that spectrum-biased labeling is absolutely counterproductive…but I digress.)
I challenge you to actually speak to a “sex worker” that made the decision to be a “sex worker” on her own volition and acting in her own agency. I imagine that you have not; because if you did, you probably would have not written most of this stuff.
Sex workers are not just women that have “sex with strangers money”. There are male and trans individuals that have “sex with strangers for money”. The fact that you barely mentioned this is an exhibition of your own ignorance of sex work.
Moreover, you limited your definition to sex work to “prostitution”, even though there are plenty of cam models, strippers, pornographic content creators, and phone sex operators that also label themselves as sex workers. There are even pornographic directors that also call themselves sex workers.
Let’s call this for what this is — you have a contempt for commercialized sexuality. I get it.
However, to call “sex work” a “libertarian” or “neoliberal” term is galling. To reconcile a label that many individuals in that line of work opt to refer to themselves as — and do so with pride — with political tribes that you harbor an animosity towards demonstrates that you really don’t know much about that line of work, aside from what other academics and activists that share your anti-commercial sex worldview.
And worst of all, you make this about the consumer behavior of men rather than recognize the fact that yes — there are individuals out there whom are not influenced by a pimp or a madam or whatever CHOOSE to exchange sex for money. It is a private decision. A personal decision. And it’s not on you or myself to judge their decision. While you may be on the right track in terms of advocating policies for improved government programs that will improve society as a whole (and provide a vital safety net that insures against the very real failures of capitalism), you are definitely on the wrong track if you continue to post content like this that demonstrates a despicable ignorance of commercialized sex, and realize that there are far deeper issues than what you postulated in this piece.
Before you spew anything else about sex workers, actually TALK to sex workers. There are PLENTY of sex workers — cisgender and trans — that you could talk to so you could gain valuable perspective; and understand why they call themselves sex workers and why they don’t necessarily see themselves as victims needing to be saved — which is what you clearly see sex workers as.
After seeing a few tweets that were critical of sex work activist Giselle Marie’s speech at the Women’s March NYC event (who deservedly dragged some high-profile Democrats for supporting the disastrous FOSTA/SESTA law), I decided I would dedicate a full post to a value that I hold dearly.
Their body. Their choice.
I’ve been in relationships with sex workers. I’ve done web development projects for sex workers. And while it may be difficult for some of you to understand the realities of commercialized sex and fantasy, the truth of the matter is that it is not incumbent on any of us to interfere with a transaction that is made between consenting adults.
Between consenting adults.
Between. Consenting. Adults.
There’s three things at play here. None of these are surprising, however, they’re nonetheless maddening.
First, it’s ingrained misogyny. How dare a woman decide that she must be paid for someone to access her body. How dare a woman decide that she should be able to make money of her sexual prowess and sexuality overall. How dare a woman conclude that working for bullshit bucks an hour at a fast food joint or convenience store is not enough for her or her family, so she decides to turn a trick for a hundred, two hundred, or a thousand dollars an hour to make a living. How dare a woman decide her making money off of her own body is actually a source of empowerment, far different from the typical female empowerment narratives spewed by holier-than-thou so-called feminists?
Second, what society deems as “real work.” A sex worker having to make a decision as to how to best serve her customers is not a real job. Being on webcam 8 to 12 hours a day doubling as a customer service agent, a therapist, a consenting sexual outlet, or a virtual courtesan is not a real job. Shooting pornographic content is not a real job. Peddling sexual content that she shot on her phone to paying customers who wish to be entertained for their viewing pleasure is not a real job. Making $25,000 or $50,000 or $100,000 or $200,000 a year as a virtual or physical courtesan is not a real job (even though she pays thousands of dollars in taxes every year). No, no, no. A real job includes a boss telling you what to do, controlling what you can earn, telling you to work a schedule, and ultimately, holding the cards in to how long and how well you can actually provide for yourself and your family.
Finally, personal attitudes on sex and how some in society feel that their attitudes on sex must be shared by everyone. No, no, no, no woman in her right mind would want to fuck numerous strangers for a living. No woman in her right mind would want to “sell her body” or let random men “invade her temple” for dollars. No, her wanting to get naked on the strip club stage or on the camera is an exhibition of a lack of self-respect, even though she puts her foot down as to what her boundaries are and what she is and is not willing to consent to. Oh no, sex should never be for money. You should never pay to have sex. A woman should just be willing to give it up because of casual and romantic needs, never economic needs.
Their body. Their choice.
Privacy. A private decision.
You value your privacy? Don’t you?
Should I ask you what underwear you’re wearing?
Should I ask you how long you’ve lasted in bed with your partner?
Should I ask you why did you make the decision to have a extramarital affair? Or engage in a “situationship” because neither of you are interested in making a commitment?
Should I ask you about your shower?
Should I ask you about your sexual abilities in bed?
Should I be able to look on your computer?
Or…gasp…
Should I tell you what you cannot and cannot do with your body? Tell you what you can and cannot consent to? Label you as someone that is exploited and should shove policies down your throat when you sit there and tell me that it is not what you need, and then let it go in one ear and out the other?
Their body. Their choice.
Privacy and a private decision. Not one that you or myself should be interfering with.
(Especially when you cannot discern the clear fucking difference between consenting, elective sex work and coercive sex trafficking. Not the same thing. And sex work activists are pretty clear that they are on the right side of the fight against sex trafficking.)
You know, instead of putting sex workers (and their customers) in jail and posting embarrassing mug shots online; maybe law enforcement should be aligning with and working with sex workers to identify sex trafficking victims. You know, an actual rescue movement instead of a series of bullshit sting operations and rescue organizations that really do not do shit for sex workers who really want out of that line of work aside from a bunch of high profile speeches and seminars that do not put food on the table or roofs over the head of the most vulnerable workers out there.
You don’t have to agree with someone’s decision to engage in sex work. If you have traditional views on human sexuality, I’m not going to hold it against you, but I do encourage you to learn more about the full gamut of human sexuality, because it is far more complicated than anything you’ve probably learned in your life.
But you should recognize the privacy rights of an individual as well as the individual’s right to make a decision that they feel is best for them.
Sex workers raise families, pay taxes, go out to eat, take their kids to after school activities, go to gyms, own homes, buy cars — basically do the same shit that most of us that have other occupations do. The fact that they choose to monetize their bodies for entertainment value should not be anything that serves as an impetus to make them look like second-class citizens. They’re equally as deserving of the same human rights, civil rights, privacy rights, and civil liberties that all of us enjoy.
They also deserve to be left alone to live the lives that they wish to live. If they need help, they will reach out when the time is right for them to reach out.
And it’s really, really irritating that even in 2019 I have to write this shit.
But when you have the garbage that has been posted on this site that ultimately served as the inspiration for this rant, it’s obvious that shit like this still has to be written.
